The Eight-Step Process To Better Asking
Mark Victor Hansen
In one of my
earlier articles, "How To Ask For Anything You Want," you learned
that the world responds to those who ask. When you begin to ask for
what you need and want, you've taken control of your life, and are
proactively steering its direction. Many wonderful and great things
come to you as a result.
But just how do you go about getting started asking? Here are the
primary action steps to take:
1. Act as if you expect to get it.
It is of primary importance that your state of thinking contain a
solid level of certainty and expectation when you ask. This state of
mind will affect everything else - your body posture, eye contact,
tone of voice, and choice of words. Think for a moment - you've been
in situations when you've asked and had every certainty that you
would receive exactly what you were asking for. Remember how you
felt then? Keep that in your mind with every request you make.
2. Ask someone who can give it to you.
Before you ask someone for something, make an assessment of whether
or not they will be able to give it to you. Some people are very
qualified and motivated to help. Others just aren't capable of
delivering - watch people and review that capacity. Have you ever
seen them capable of delivering what you're about to ask them, or
are you just hoping the potential is there?
3. Get the other person's full attention.
Your request deserves that respect! If the person cannot give you
his or her full attention, set up an appointment, ask to talk during
the commercial break, or ask them to schedule time for you in the
very near future.
4. Be clear and specific.
Be as concise as you possibly can in your requests. Ask for what you
want, not for what you don't want. At the same time, be careful what
you ask for - more often than not, you get exactly what you've
5. Ask from the heart.
You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough!
Keep that unbridle passion for your purpose, project or goal
stirring in your soul as you begin to ask, and maintain eye contact
throughout the entire ask process. This further establishes your
integrity, trustworthiness and passion on the subject.
6. Ask with humor and creativity.
Humor captures our attention and breaks down our defenses.
Creativity disarms our resistance and opens our minds to new
7. Give something to get something.
As Zig Ziglar says, "You can get everything in life you want if you
will just help enough other people get what they want." When you're
asking, always be sure to explain what's in it for them, how they
benefit and win because they've acted positively on your request.
8. Ask repeatedly.
If someone says, "No!" you say "Next!" Expect no's - even on a
repeated basis from the same people you're asking. Your
tenaciousness and perseverance will undoubtedly pay off.
So You've Asked and They Still Say "No." Now what?
Don't lose your cool when you're faced with resistance! A powerful
request can only be powerful if you're also willing to be declined.
Ask with authority, prepare yourself for a "no," be gracious in
receiving that "no," then make one of two choices:
- Ask the person you just made the request of to help you with a
solution. They may know someone who CAN give you a "yes" and, given
some freedom and respect from you, they often wander their own way
into providing your "yes."
- Walk away without burning your bridges. You probably just came
across someone who feasibly could not help you. The world is much
too small and inter-connected to lash out at even one person.
- Copyright © 2002 by Mark Victor Hansen. All rights reserved.