We have all
heard of the Golden Rule--"Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you." It implies that other people would like to be treated the
same way that you would like to be treated.
The alternative to the Golden Rule is the Platinum Rule: "Treat
others the way they want to be treated." The Platinum Rule
accommodates the feelings of others. The focus of relationships
shifts from "this is what I want, so I'll give everyone the same
thing" to "let me first understand what they want and then I'll give
it to them."
The Platinum Rule divides behavioral preferences into four basic
styles: The Director, Socializer, Relater, and Thinker. Everyone
possesses the qualities of each style to various degrees and
everyone has a dominant style.
Directors are driven by two governing needs: to control and achieve.
Directors are goal-oriented go-getters who are most comfortable when
they are in charge of people and situations. They want to accomplish
many things -- now -- so they focus on no-nonsense approaches to
Socializers thrive on the admiration, acknowledgment, and
compliments that come with being in the lime-light. Their primary
strengths are enthusiasm, charm, persuasiveness, and warmth. They
are idea-people and dreamers who excel at getting others excited
about their vision. They are eternal optimists with an abundance of
charisma. These qualities help them influence people and build
alliances to accomplish their goals.
Thinkers are analytical, persistent, systematic people who enjoy
problem-solving. Thinkers are detail-oriented, which makes them more
concerned with content than style. Thinkers are task-oriented people
who enjoy perfecting processes and working toward tangible results.
They're always in control of their emotions and may become
uncomfortable around people who very out-going.
Relaters are warm and nurturing individuals. They are the most
people-oriented of the four styles. Relaters are excellent
listeners, devoted friends, and loyal employees. Their relaxed
disposition makes them approachable and warm. They develop strong
networks of people who are willing to be mutually supportive and
reliable. Relaters are excellent team players.
Adapting To Directors
Never waste their time. Be organized and get to the point. Give them
bottom-line information and options, with probabilities of success,
if relevant. Give them written details to read at their leisure.
Appeal to their sense of accomplishment. With Directors, in general,
be efficient and competent.
Adapting To Socializers
Support their ideas, goals, opinions, and dreams. Try not to argue
with their pie-in-the-sky visions; get excited about them. A strong
presence, stimulating and entertaining conversation, jokes, and
liveliness will win them over. With Socializers, in general, be
interested in them.
Adapting To Thinkers
Be sensitive to their time. They need details, so give them data. Be
systematic, logical, well-prepared, and exact with them. Give them
time to make decisions and work independently. Allow them to talk in
detail. If appropriate, set guidelines and exact deadlines. With
Thinkers, in general, be thorough, well-prepared, detail-oriented,
business-like, and patient.
Adapting To Relaters
Take things slow, earn their trust, support their feelings, and show
sincere interest. Talk in terms of feelings, not facts. Never back a
Relater into a corner. With Relaters, in general, be non-threatening
The Platinum Rule provides powerful social skills that will serve
you well in all your relationships: business, friends, family,
spouse, and children.
- Copyright © 2002 by Tony Alessandra. All rights reserved.